This Week's Donnybrook DVD ANTI-Recommendation...

Don't watch Elizabethtown, I implore you.

Those of you that think this blog serves no purpose can finally thank me for something. I'm going to save you 2 hours of your life that would be much better spent clipping your toenails or defrosting your freezer.

This movie flat-out sucks. My wife and I watched this thing in its entirety and still have yet to find a character with any redeeming qualities. The plot is a decent idea, but the acting is absolute poison.

Orlando Bloom's performance comes off like an illness, if that makes any sense. I hope it does, because it sounds exactly right to me.

Kirsten Dunst sports the worst phony Southern accent I've heard since the three months before my brother moved to South Carolina.

I should've known this movie was gonna be a wreck when they cast that annoying Southern pain-in-the-ass from the Food Network to be the sassy grandmama figure. By the way, she's such a fine thespian, they gave her about 4 lines. That's what theologians refer to as a "small miracle".

On a serious note, what's happened to Cameron Crowe?

Check out his IMDB page:

Fast Times at Ridgemont High: First-ballot Hall-of-Famer, even if Phoebe Cates wasn't in it.
The Wild Life: Never saw this, but I've heard good things.
Say Anything... Another certified classic. Lloyd Dobler rules.
Singles: Again, didn't see it, heard good things.
Jerry Maguire: Awesome flick. Quite possibly the last time Tom Cruise seemed quasi-normal to me.
Almost Famous: Utterly disappointing, and I'm exactly the guy that should've loved this movie.
Vanilla Sky: I didn't expect much and still wound up wanting to kill myself after seeing this acid trip gone wrong.
Elizabethtown: I think you get it.

So there it is. Crowe's stock is falling faster than the Farrelly Brothers' at this point.

A big problem is that his obsession with music is overtaking his ability to make a halfway decent movie, and it's too bad. The guy has good tastes, he just lost his movie-making skill about 6 years ago...
- posted by Brian @ 9:02 AM